Stand Up Comedy for Writers

For creative writing exercise I thought I would try a little stand up comedy.  Then I remembered I am a really terrible joke teller, generally forgetting how the joke starts or ends or both.  I guess the only way to get my funny bone in shape is to work it out. 

In sticking with the writerly blog theme, here are 10 jokes only a writer could love (or hate or both).  If you think these are bad, consider yourself lucky the other 20 got scrapped.  (#11- "Hey folks, I just flew in and boy are my tweeters tired!")

1.     Did you hear about the blue jay with the contract to write about nest building?  He was so busy tweeting, he forgot to write the book.

2.     How many tweets would a tweeter tweep tweet, if a twittertweep could tweet asleep?
3.  My literary agent asked me to add more nudity, but I told her I write romance novels - not teen lit.
4. Did you hear the one about the guy who walked into the bar with two tan horses?  Me neither, it didn't make it out of the slush pile.

5.     I submitted my 80,000 word manuscript to a literary agent.  She told me her two favorite words in the book were "THE END."

6.     My novel was so boring, even my protagonist fell asleep.

7.     There's more flotsam in my manuscript than around the wreck of the Titanic. (Ooh, too soon?)

8.     I titled my manuscript "The Guy Who Got 100 Rejection Letters," but marketing renamed it "Chump."

9.     I got so many rejection letters, my muse jumped off a skyscraper.

10.  I always appreciate an editor taking the time to write a real rejection letter.  Just Tuesday I received one that read: "Your story is not a good fit for us.  I highly doubt it is a good fit for any publisher.  It showed poor judgment to admit you wrote this manuscript.  My retinas may be permanently scarred.  I recommend burning the ms post haste so no one else is forced to endure it.  If you are out of matches, just send it to Guantanamo for use as a device of torture.  Best of luck!"

<crickets chirping>   There isn't a blog equivalent of throwing tomatoes, is there?  Argh. I can't find my poncho.  

Here are the tips I found for writing comedy, which I apparently neglected to follow:

1.     End with the funny word (like salami or slush pile).

2.     Words with hard "K" and hard "C" are just funny.  ("turned out it was a pickle!")

3.     Be specific (i.e. say the banana instead of fruit).

4.     Comedy is 98% about the character and 98% about timing.

5.     Be willing to throw out your best joke if it doesn't fit.


Is your funny bone flabby too?  I challenge you to create your best writerly joke and share it below in the comments!