Donny Stapler the Dummy Maker (and Some Monkeys)

      I splurged on a new little friend: Donny Stapler the Dummy Maker!

Meet Donny Stapler!

      You know I get excited about little things and arguably a new stapler is a little thing.  But don't tell Donny Stapler he's little. No way! He's BIG! Yes he can stable up to 15 inches deep!!!

      "When would you need to staple 15 inches deep?" you ask. 

      "I have no clue!" I reply.

      But I like to staple 5 ½" deep A LOT (halfway through a 8 ½ x 11" piece of paper) which my old stapler couldn't do.  Donny Stapler makes mini picture book dummies with ease!

Attack preparations underway
(image by gfree via sxc.hu)

      

      Now, I have no excuse for every manuscript to not be perfectly paced, except for perhaps my poor writing skills.  I have no excuse for not having exciting page turns, except for maybe my boring personality.   I have certainly no excuse for having too many words on a spread, except for possibly my laziness.

      And since lack of skill, being boring, and laziness are not terribly good excuses for a writer, I really must make wonderful picture books now. I suppose the only good excuse for a writer to use is "I was being attacked by monkeys throwing poop!," because it is well known monkeys throw poop, and it is reasonable to believe flying poop would be quite distracting or at the very least make typing difficult.

"How can I make a Mini Dummy, so I can be an amazing picture book writer?" you ask.

These monkeys are going with the, um,
direct method of gathering, um,
material to throw at writers.
(image by rjuliana via sxc.hu)

Well, follow these careful instructions:

1.      Take 8 pieces of paper

2.      Fold them in half

3.      Staple in the middle (Donny Stapler accomplishes this with ease, but you can also try folding, bending, shoving and swearing with a regular stapler to accomplish a similar end.) Voila- you have a 32 page picture book!

4.      Write or paste or tape your text on each spread, starting on page 5. Read aloud, tweak, massage, paste again until the text flows so well, you could read it at the zoo...near the monkeys...while they do what they do.

P.S. Spending too long looking at monkey pictures is also not a reasonable excuse for not writing, though I am surely not the first writer to fall prey.  How could I resist this last image? Clearly this dog is getting ready to play the best game of fetch in the history of canines. "Wait, wait, you gonna throw poop for me to catch! That is the coolest arfing thing ever, man!"

(image by lilja via sxc.hu)