Embarrassing Revisions
I mentioned last week how my critiques and edits had been
stacking up to an unmanageable pile.
So with ReViMo as incentive I got busy.
But things got embarrassing fast. And not in an underwear showing while
butt-in-chair way. Worse. I found this
in one of my critiqued pieces:
He crept quietly
into the house.
Seriously? I wrote crept quietly?
What the heck was I thinking? I wanted
to ensure the reader didn't think he was creeping noisily?
It gets worse.
I deleted the word quietly SIX times in one 1200 word short story. If you add in other deletions of "quickly," "slowly," "apologetically"-- 1% of the story was adverbs. The embarrassment
of walking around with an atomic wedgie would be less than what I felt that
first day.
 |
| "If they don't stop feeding us corn, we should stampede sometime tomorrow." (image by sista via sxc.hu) |
There's more.
Began stampeding
Started scanning
Was staring
Weak verb constructions splashed all over the pages. How
would cows start stampeding? Doesn't that obliterate the definition of the
stampede? Were they discussing a plan to stampede in Moo-vernacular? Nope. Then, why
did I write that? Do I have a deep-rooted fear of stampedes, so I wanted to take
it slowly? I DON'T KNOW.
I know this has turned into a bad reality show you can't stop
watching even though you want to avert your eyes. But it goes on.
Suddenly,
Luckily,
Angrily,
Reluctantly,
Cautiously,
Dreadful. Maybe when I wrote these sentences, the ideas were coming so
fast I couldn't think of better ways to show what was happening. I could give
myself that excuse. But I won't.
Once again I
apologize to my critique partners. I didn't realize I was making you work
so hard. If you are now suffering from strikethrough-itis, I promise to help
anyway I can.
I don't know why these problems are so easy to find during
critiques and impossible to identify in my own stories. But I hope awareness of
the problem I’m facing will help me to correct this awkward situation.
Of course, it would make me feel better if you would admit
to your writing problems in the comments. Happy revising!
Don't be too embarassed, Lauri! We all have those in our folders :-)
ReplyDeleteNow I'm embarrassed because my husband says I can write "type quietly," because the adverb adds value juxtaposed to the usual "loud-bangy typing" I do. What can I say? Sometimes I forget it's not a typewriter, and I have to bang the letters on to the page!
DeleteHear, hear! Sorry to my crit group too!
ReplyDeleteWhen you're starting out, you just don't know what you don't know!
I suppose that draft I was revising was 6 months old, and even in that short time my skills have grown but still...I read it before I sent it for critique. It's like my brain was auto-editing what I was reading so I couldn't see those glaring problems.
Deletei don't think you're alone. I try to do a read-through to find glaring awfulness before I let critiquers see my writing, but I've never managed to catch all of them.
ReplyDeletemood
Moody Writing
Thanks Moody! I guess that's why we have our critique groups to save our tushies.
DeleteIt is always easier to find these examples when the writing isn't our own. A few months ago I went through my ms and was appalled by all of the instances when I used adjectives and adverbs that weren't necessary. Glad I am not alone. :) Happy revising!
ReplyDelete~Jess
Thank you Jessica! Misery loves company. I guess it's like cleaning - it's pretty appalling to see the paper towel all covered with brown dirt, but it is also very satisfying to see what you accomplished.
DeleteAh, I see you are calling forth your inner Adverbinator! Good for you!
ReplyDeleteI might just need to a search for all "ly" words in my drafts. This particularly one was middle grade, so maybe the freedom of writing more than 500 words got to my head!
DeleteI want to hear more moo-vernacular, that sounds awesome! I say awesome too much, thankfully not in my poems. I am pants at characterisation.
ReplyDeleteIf saying awesome too much is a crime, I'm going to jail with you. I think all of your poems are awesome!!
Delete